Tuesday, September 30, 2008

i don't like it the way it is now.

everything in my life seems to go wrong.
Every single thing.
I feel like i am going against all odds.

unhappiness and unsatisfaction. ):

Are my expectations of things too high, or am i just not used to how things works?
I don't deny the fact that I really want to do well, and i feel that i am putting in the effort to give in my best and do well, but why is it that everytime after any test, i end up feeling at a loss, wondering whether I have been studying hard.
I can't say that i had not, cause i think i did, i really think that i did.

probably its the way of studying. and probably its a matter of not very consistent studying plus largely lack of practice. tried my very best to make up for the not very consistent study throughout the whole of recess week. I really tried to maximise my time. but still.. things do
happen. sucks la. i think i am so so far from my goal. i wanna do well. I am thinking of doing well every single day. and i thought i can do well. but who knows... i cant... i suddenly feel very stupid.. really stupid. why cant i understand? or rather why cant I remember. I admit that i panicked during my CM1101 test, i panicked, and faltered. carelessness that shouldn't have been, forgetting the formulae that i remembered all the while before the test. WHY? really WHY?! I am angry at myself for all these HUGE mistakes that will cost me a lot of marks. But why and how did this even happen? Can anyone please ask my stupid brain why did it had to do this to me?! What the hell?! ): I resent this feelings of mine. I hate myself. I hate my brain. I feel that its unfair. It is not because i didn't study, it is because i can't perform and demostrate what I have studied during the most critical period - the test! ):

I think i might breakdown soon.(underestimated)
Totally burnout.
the past three weeks had been a tiring one.
Chionging for everything, trying to balance each and every of the many things that are coming along.
I did it for the past two weeks before recess week. Really fine. Coping well, not very much of a problem. It is this week that is bad. I feel unjustified. I don't know what triggered this unhappiness in me. sucks.


I just feel like slacking now.
Really feel like taking a break and resting.
Yet I can't and I wont.
I want to do well.
really.

Repeating the song "March On" again and again in my iTunes.
Hoping that it will once again motivate me.
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Now playing: Good Charlotte - March On (Acoustic Version)
via FoxyTunes