once again.
it flooded back.
the memories of my grandma.
after reading my brother's blog.
i became emo once again.
everything came back to me.
the happiness that we shared.
to me, it was too short.
the sadness that i feel.
it was too deep.
too deep beneath many other things.
so deep that i never want to face them again.
i tried to bury them.
not to let them resurface.
but it comes back every now and then.
i know i can't avoid my feelings forever.
i need to be strong and face them.
but its so tough.
i am trying.
i am trying hard not to feel that much sorrow
whenever i mention her.
i am trying to speak of her as though i had gotten over it.
i am trying to.
but images come flowing back.
the time when she stayed with me.
the time when we had dinner together.
the time when we walked to the market together.
the time when we celebrated her birthday.
the time when we had popiah together.
the time when we had reunion dinner together.
the many many times that she showed her care and concern.
all those good times.
i miss them.
then came those images that i don't wish to remember.
the time when she lay at home.
the time when she lay in the hospital.
the time when she was transferred to the normal ward.
and i reached there too late.
i don't know how to describe how i feel.
i really don't know.
its so much more than just grieve alone.
i do not wish to continue.
sometimes i simply hate reading xiao meimei's or my brother's blog.
overflow of emotions.
