i miss her a lot.
Although she is now physically gone but yes, she will live in my heart forever.
Did everything happen too suddenly?
I dunno if its considered sudden.
She was discharged from ICA and transferred to a normal ward on monday.
and on wed 040407, 339am, she left this world.
I was planning to visit her on wed, after school.
the last time i visited her was on Sunday.
She was still in ICA at that time.
She was still feeling quite weak, but she looks a lot more energetic than before.
She even opened her eyes and gave me a slight nod that Sunday.
On tues, she asked the maid for my bro & i.
I really regretted not visiting her earlier.
Wed 330am.
Mom woke me up.
Mom was already at the hospital.
She broke the news to me.
Ah ma has passed away.
My bro & i rushed down to the hospital.
We didn't fulfill her last wish of seeing my bro & i.
This is my deepest regret.
I saw her lying on the bed.
She looks like she has left peacefully.
I cant take it anymore.
I broke down.
As I'm typing this, i'm crying once again.
I know i must be strong.
i know ah ma don't want me to cry also.
I know that she is still around, taking care of us.
i can feel that she is with us.
But i just cant stop myself from crying.
i'm trying not to cry.
i know i'm ok.
or rather i'll be ok.
you all will not understand...
to me its perfectly fine to tear a little.
i'm a human with emotions.
just that its still difficult to accept the fact that i cant see her forever.
But i believe that ah ma has gone to a better place.
Somewhere beautiful.
Somewhere where she can be reunited with ah gong.
Somewhere where her sufferings will be relieved.
A place where ah ma can live happily ever after.
Very often, I may be crying for different reasons.
It may be due to the sadness.
It may be due to some other factors.
I'm furious.
Mad at some people who are unfilial.
I hate those unfilial bastards!
I hate them to the core!
Superficial people!
can they stop acting?
the trust has been betrayed.
So stop putting the blame on others.
And to those stupid ones.
You all are being made the scapegoat!
Stop being so naive.
They are just making use of you all.
Things are not what they appear to be.
gullible idiots.
Stop maligning people!
Are you sure your conscience is clear when you said all those awful things?
you know it best.
Just wanna let you know that i hate all of you!
i'm upset.
cos ah ma dun deserve this at all.
she has given them so much.
dote on them so much.
caring for them endlessly.
but what did she get in return?
this is unfair to her.
I know that ah ma knows.
ah ma knows who is good and who is not.
i truly believe that she knows.
I'm very sure she knows.
She appeared in my dream.
She was implying that she knows.
She was telling me not to worry.
I believe in her.
I'm not going to be too bothered by this.
ah ma don't wanna see me sad.
i'm gonna do what she wants me to.
Yes, I'll study hard.
I'm going to do well.
I won't disappoint her.
to all those who were there for me:
Thank you very much.
Forgive me if i start crying in front of anyone of you again.
I'll try to control myself.
give me some more time.
Thanks for tolerating my foul mood also.
I really appreciate all those who were there for me when i needed it the most.
Especially to my cousins. (my one united family..)
i love all of you.
Let's continue our spirit of unity.
we are one big happy family.
looking forward to our next gathering!
p.s. Please stop asking if i'm ok. Cos i'm seriously ok. Yes, i am.
crying doesn't mean that i'm not ok.
Sorry if you think that i'm being emo.
that's me.
accept it.
Although she is now physically gone but yes, she will live in my heart forever.
Did everything happen too suddenly?
I dunno if its considered sudden.
She was discharged from ICA and transferred to a normal ward on monday.
and on wed 040407, 339am, she left this world.
I was planning to visit her on wed, after school.
the last time i visited her was on Sunday.
She was still in ICA at that time.
She was still feeling quite weak, but she looks a lot more energetic than before.
She even opened her eyes and gave me a slight nod that Sunday.
On tues, she asked the maid for my bro & i.
I really regretted not visiting her earlier.
Wed 330am.
Mom woke me up.
Mom was already at the hospital.
She broke the news to me.
Ah ma has passed away.
My bro & i rushed down to the hospital.
We didn't fulfill her last wish of seeing my bro & i.
This is my deepest regret.
I saw her lying on the bed.
She looks like she has left peacefully.
I cant take it anymore.
I broke down.
As I'm typing this, i'm crying once again.
I know i must be strong.
i know ah ma don't want me to cry also.
I know that she is still around, taking care of us.
i can feel that she is with us.
But i just cant stop myself from crying.
i'm trying not to cry.
i know i'm ok.
or rather i'll be ok.
you all will not understand...
to me its perfectly fine to tear a little.
i'm a human with emotions.
just that its still difficult to accept the fact that i cant see her forever.
But i believe that ah ma has gone to a better place.
Somewhere beautiful.
Somewhere where she can be reunited with ah gong.
Somewhere where her sufferings will be relieved.
A place where ah ma can live happily ever after.
Very often, I may be crying for different reasons.
It may be due to the sadness.
It may be due to some other factors.
I'm furious.
Mad at some people who are unfilial.
I hate those unfilial bastards!
I hate them to the core!
Superficial people!
can they stop acting?
the trust has been betrayed.
So stop putting the blame on others.
And to those stupid ones.
You all are being made the scapegoat!
Stop being so naive.
They are just making use of you all.
Things are not what they appear to be.
gullible idiots.
Stop maligning people!
Are you sure your conscience is clear when you said all those awful things?
you know it best.
Just wanna let you know that i hate all of you!
i'm upset.
cos ah ma dun deserve this at all.
she has given them so much.
dote on them so much.
caring for them endlessly.
but what did she get in return?
this is unfair to her.
I know that ah ma knows.
ah ma knows who is good and who is not.
i truly believe that she knows.
I'm very sure she knows.
She appeared in my dream.
She was implying that she knows.
She was telling me not to worry.
I believe in her.
I'm not going to be too bothered by this.
ah ma don't wanna see me sad.
i'm gonna do what she wants me to.
Yes, I'll study hard.
I'm going to do well.
I won't disappoint her.
to all those who were there for me:
Thank you very much.
Forgive me if i start crying in front of anyone of you again.
I'll try to control myself.
give me some more time.
Thanks for tolerating my foul mood also.
I really appreciate all those who were there for me when i needed it the most.
Especially to my cousins. (my one united family..)
i love all of you.
Let's continue our spirit of unity.
we are one big happy family.
looking forward to our next gathering!
p.s. Please stop asking if i'm ok. Cos i'm seriously ok. Yes, i am.
crying doesn't mean that i'm not ok.
Sorry if you think that i'm being emo.
that's me.
accept it.
