memories

once again.
it flooded back.
the memories of my grandma.

after reading my brother's blog.
i became emo once again.
everything came back to me.
the happiness that we shared.
to me, it was too short.

the sadness that i feel.
it was too deep.
too deep beneath many other things.
so deep that i never want to face them again.

i tried to bury them.
not to let them resurface.
but it comes back every now and then.

i know i can't avoid my feelings forever.
i need to be strong and face them.
but its so tough.

i am trying.
i am trying hard not to feel that much sorrow
whenever i mention her.
i am trying to speak of her as though i had gotten over it.
i am trying to.

but images come flowing back.
the time when she stayed with me.
the time when we had dinner together.
the time when we walked to the market together.
the time when we celebrated her birthday.
the time when we had popiah together.
the time when we had reunion dinner together.
the many many times that she showed her care and concern.
all those good times.
i miss them.

then came those images that i don't wish to remember.
the time when she lay at home.
the time when she lay in the hospital.
the time when she was transferred to the normal ward.
and i reached there too late.
i don't know how to describe how i feel.
i really don't know.
its so much more than just grieve alone.

i do not wish to continue.

sometimes i simply hate reading xiao meimei's or my brother's blog.
overflow of emotions.

Harry Potter.disappointment.

watched HP with dawn and niff.
dawn didn't had to pay a single cent.
crap. i was late. not late. but the latest.
so ya. i paid for the nachos.

anyway the movie was. erm.
confusing i would say.
people who haven read the storybook would be quite lost.
the flow of the movie is bad.
and the change of scene is a little too sudden at times.

for those who have read the storybook.
i think it would be much clearer.
but the bad thing is many would complain that it has not sufficiently portray the exact story.
it seems like a very summarised summary of the book.
which again supports the point that the movie is too confusing!

an advice would be to watch the movie then read the book.
then it would be less complains and more understanding. i hope.

however, commendable still.
all the characters have all grown so tall.
some no longer look like kids.

and some of them are really chio!

like hermonie became prettier.
and that loony girl is also damn pretty.
Cho Chang too. nice long black hair.
i have decided that i like black hair quite a lot.
but mine is just so not black.

nevertheless, this movie has not yet destroyed my impression of future harry potter movies.
yup. its understandable that its impossible to squeeze everything into a 2 and a half hour movie.

random thoughts

"rich pl can go bankrupt..
poor pl can become rich..
IF they have the motivation to upgrade themselves of course..
so..
i guess it doesnt really matter rite?"

saw this in xiao meimei's blog.
yup. somewhat i think it doesn't really matter.
i feel that my mom feels strongly about the last sentence.

chemistry is of paramount importance.
mutual chemistry.
with a common stand on things.

perspective should be talked out.
there is no point having two people who are together
yet their expectation of the relationship isn't parallel with each other.
ultimately, both parties will end up being hurt.

age isn't a problem also.
i guess many people of my age thinks that it is and will be a problem.
i know they are just being concerned.
nope. i don't blame them.
as long as i know what i am doing.

xiao meimei and i talked about many other things.
relationships to be specific.
first time we talked about relationships.
it made me stop and ponder along the way.

it will be 6months soon.
6months is long yet short.
being honest helps.
trusting one another too.

and to all those who kept on firing the question.
my answer is "no, i am not getting married soon."
=)

vienna dinner!

dinner at vienna with my relatives.
it feels so good.
one united family.
togetherness rocks.

celebrated the birthdays of july babies!
brought a cake from bakerzin!
can't remember the name of the cake.
haha.
but the taste is still clearly etched in my mind!
delicious man!

vienna is such a nice place.
not that the ambiance is very nice .
but no doubt the food is!
lamb chop!
i love the lamb chop so so much!
and the baked cheese scallop!
fantastic!

didn't take photos of food at all.
too busy talking and eating.
haha.

my conclusion is buffet is bad for health.
bad for the stomach.
it expands your stomach.
like a rubber band.
and there will be difficulty trying to get it back to the actual size.

might be going for some thai buffet soon again.
should not eat that much already.
or i should start exercising.

PICTURES!!


me with yvonne's big snoopy!

marcus and I.
he refuses to take pictures that day.
bad mood.

see.
bad mood.

cake cutting.
july babies.
excluding mabelle.

cheers!
my "gang".
together with the photographer who is er biao ge.
why is this photo so blur?
er biao ge only knows how to use pro cameras.
and not a simple 3.2MP camera.
haha.

mabelle and i.
she is always acting shy.
but she is nice to me whenever we are about to go home.
to bribe her: treat her to delicious food.
that's what my mom always does!

mabelle snatching for my camera!
she wants to take pictures.
take pictures as in she is the photographer.
clever girl!

picture taken by mabelle.

yvonne and i
attempted to take a picture with snoopy and roly bear.
but turned out like that.
bad photographer..tsk tsk tsk.

there are more random photos taken. but they are really random camwhoring which are not worth looking at.
might post them up someday.

100th day

it was such a mad rush in the morning.
took bus to xiao meimei's house and we were stuck in this heavy traffic jam!
really worried that we could not reach there on time.
luckily we arrived only 2minutes late.
phew. the traffic jam was really bad.

upon reaching the cemetery.
saw a group of white-shirt people.
people whom i dread looking at.
white, a colour of purity and virtue.
nope. its so not for them.

they stared all the way.
from us in the bus
to us alighting the bus

they must be feeling damn delighted.
that we are later then them.
whatever ok?!!
bleah!

throughout the ritual,
it was quite peaceful.
except that there are certain unnecessary things done on purpose.
what the hell la!

nevertheless, it was a lot more peaceful than i thought it would be.
glad that they didn't speak.
my ear hurts ever they spoke.
hopefully, we won't get to see them ever again.

finally, rest in peace ah ma.
i really miss you a lot.

=(

haiz..
feeling really down and low and like i am at my lowest point now.
i dunno what to say.
i want to study hard.
really study hard.
but its so difficult.

distractions?
not much i guess.
other than my phone games.
going out.
TV? nah...

it feels like shit.
everything sucks!
i hate it.
did i not put in enough?

those subjects which i expected to do better for turned out rather average.
or actually to be truthful
they are seriously below expectations.

i am satisfied with none of my results.
nothing.
nothing at all.

i know that i need to start studying right now.
straight away.
but there are too many excuses that i am finding.

are they excuses?
or am i really tired?

everyday after school i feel very lethargic.
had always wanted to study when i reach home.
but its not very effective.
most of the time, i would end up not absorbing whatever i am reading.

going to school and returning home all shack,
having no mood to study is bad.
this is a vicious cycle going round and round.
with me trying to get out of it.

i hate school!
especially tues!
what a useless day.
i am just wasting my time away in school.
every soon , i would pon tues.

i know many would think that this is unacceptable.
but still.
i will pon.
don't try and dissuade me from ponning.
you are not me.
you won't know what is good for me.

and to end this all.
i don't ever meant to disappoint anyone.
and i wont ever disappoint anyone again.

LIFE SUCKS!

pictures!

dessert from Carlton Hotel.
the best "dish".

5th month.
=)



mixed grill and"flavourer" ice cream at cafe cartel

Fun fair day

innocent versus devil!

brother and i

xiao mei mei and I


xiao mei mei and xiao di di


three of us.
a very difficult attempt of capturing this photo.


a me-to-you bear with the new beta house shirt on.
cute?


HTA
i miss those days of my CI course.
my Echo-ing days.

TK.
a beautiful scool.
where the welfare of students are taken care of.
and the teachers are patient and nice.

new snoopy tissues that i bought!
$2 only!


Sheena and I

an and I

dawn and I

sheena and I slacking while they were decorating the photos!

self consolation

self consolation is always better them pitying oneself.
why make yourself sad?
especially when the problem doesn't lie with you but with others.
some things are not meant to be thought too much into them.
many of them are simply thinking too much.
why not just choose the simple way out.
take it as it is just a coincidence.
it is not as bad as you think it is.
take a step at a time slowly.
self consolation.

i really feel a lot better staying calm.
and not injecting feelings into something that happened.
or might have happened.

looking at things from different point of view helps.
staying neutral helps too.
although i'm trying real hard to stay neutral.

narcissistic joan =)

these are really random..
nothing better to do..
hehe..

what the hell?!!

what are you all after?
Greed?

stop showing your care and concern only after she is gone.
hypocrites!

stop firing those mean curses.
have you ever thought of it backfiring?

is your conscience clear?
are you sure your conscience is clear?

it will not be long before
your motive exposes itself.

lets just wait and see.

i will be very very happy on the day that you all disappear from my life.
cant wait for that day.

i declare that i am not blinded by hatred.
i am just feeling injustice for her who is so dear too me.

spider lilies day!

they came over to my house to watch spider lilies.

a R21 movie.
due to the homosexual scenes involved

6 of them came.
and jiawei ponned training especially to come.
tsk tsk tsk.

it was fun having like 6 people sitting in front of a small 15" LCD.
trying to watch the movie "unitedly"
and also trying to understand jap as there was no subtitles.
and i just found the version with English subtitles.
on crunchyroll.
i guess i am going to watch it again with subtitles.

or rather i need to watch it again.
i like that show.
many things are left to be guessed by the audience.
i was rather disturbed by the questioning by some people.
hehe.
i did not say who!
Please do not jump to any conclusions!

anyway, i like friends coming to my house.
it feels so good to invite friends to my house.
hope they don't mind that its messy and small.

plus, not forgetting,
kesleen who was really proud of her straightened hair.
which is so shiny, smooth and straight.
and that liyong and i were so so envious of.
that we were even more determined to proceed with our rebonding plans.

the point is:
kesleen cant stop taking pictures.
and she cant stop pulling me into her pictures!
haha.
here are all th pictures that we took.
i think there are more in her phone though.

and a monkey-ish one!


finally a beautiful one.

these are the only photos i can post of that day.
cos i only took pictures with kesleen.
=))