true feelings

i wonder why am i so bold today.
i said something.
something that i never thought i would say.
but no regrets saying it. =)

short attention span

i have short attention span.
thank you phebe bay for pointing that out so loudly in class.

my attention span gets shorter as i grow older.
maybe it has got something to do with the length of my telomerase?
hmmm.

maybe not.
at least not for every one.
i think its just me.

do it please! =)

just CLICK here!

a story about my ear, heart and a bee..

Desmond:
*knock Joan's head*
Hmm... hollow sound..
*knocks Joan's head*
Hmm... Same hollow sound

Me:
yes..stop knocking my head la..

dawn:
she getting shorter ah
cannot knock alr

ya lo..i am not v tall liao hor:(

*Shouts into Joan's left ear*
Hmmm.... Echo...

bleahz!!!
i am deaf
desmond is torturing me!

*shouts into Joan's right ear*

oh man

* one strange insect flies out the left ear*

cover ur ears! o.O
haha

Goodness....
Its a BEE!!!
Must be really sweet in there...

shouldnt it be sweet in the heart?
why ear?

Nothing in between the heart and the ear...
Just empty space

its ironic..
sweet yet empty..

you know... sometimes love can take your breath away?
Your lungs migrated liaoz...

haha..
okie..wad has it got to do with my heart n my ears?

What is between your heart and your ears?

blood vessels?

No lungs = airway from heart straight to the ears....
The bee used your ears as entrance and exit
Woah... Damn deep

haha..des is clinically insane..
........................

this is a lame msn conversation.
quite long ago.
but interesting.
=)

controversial MV-killer

crappy m1!

what the hell!!
i cant send sms..
i was supposed to reply 4 of my friends,
and it all came back with
"Message sending failed. Retry?"
and all the retrying attempts came back with the same
"Message sending failed. Retry?"

and the customer service hotline is engaged!
argh!
poor service! =(
i am sad..i cant msg...
and my singtel hi card needs to be topped up first. =(

i might go out later ba..
intend to stay at home initially,
but forced to go out now.. =(

girls are usually temperemental

"This time girls are usually temperemental , doesnt really like the feeling..."

quoted this from somewhere.
thinking whether i should say where. but erm. decided not to.

is this statement true?
do you all agree?
i mean it does not apply to everyone right?
and guys need to understand that it is a form of frustrations.
haiz.
and probably also an excuse for girls to have moodswings.

this is totally random.
just ignore this.

secrets warning...

please do make sure that you look at the last scene especially carefully!
i missed out that part until kristen asked me about it!=)
it makes a great deal of difference!

L.O.V.E

If you love someone because you
think that he is really gorgeous...
then it's not love ..
it's
~Infatuation~


If you love someone because you think
that you shouldn't leave him because
others think that you shouldn't ...
then it's not love..
it's
~Compromise~


If you love someone because
you think that you
cannot live with out his touch....
then it's not love ..
it's
~Lust~


If you love someone because you
have been kissed by him...
then it's not love..
it's
~Inferiority Complex~


If you love someone because you
cannot leave him thinking that
it would hurt his feelings..
then it's not love ..
it's
~Charity~


If you love someone because you
share every thing with him...
then it's not love...
it's
~Friendship~


but if you feel the pain of the other
person more than him
even when he is stable and you cry for
him ...
that's ~LOVE~


if you get attracted to other people
but stay with him without any
regrets...
that's ~LOVE~


If you let him go knowing that he has
to
go but
deep inside you don't want to ...
that's ~LOVE~

saturday =)

missed the chance of going out with xiao meimei and her dear.
haha.
but nvm.
there will be chance.
=)

and apologies to my brother.
i don't mind watching the movie with you again.
but are you sure you wanna watch with me?
hehe.
=P

went to vivo.
haven gone there for ages.
the crowd has died down.
a lot more breathing space available.
food republic hokkien prawn mee with "king kong" prawns were still as delicious!
simply so yummy!
=)

honeydew sago was lousy.
eeks...
damn sweet.
excessive condensed milk.

the point is...
pictures:

the new wallpaper of my phone!

i like this two pictures especially a lot! =)
=) hehe...
happy!

不能说的秘密。。。

this is a MUST WATCH!
the thriller is a not so interesting one.
at least i didn't understand it before i watched the movie.
but the movie is indeed nice!
with jay chou as the story writer and the director.
not only did he mot disappoint me,
time and again, he ha cleverly made use of the element of twist in this movie.
I shall not spoil the movie for you.
Can't believe that it is that great?
Go watch it yourself.
infant, you really should watch it also. =)

and i think Jay chou is this egoistic freak!
he was such a prefect pianist in the movie!
he was being portrayed as a Mr flawless. (in my opinion)
yup. be amazed at how his fingers fluttered over the keys.
it was a WOW!

Secret is officially being declared as my favourite movie of the year.
2nd favourite: Transformers. haha.

i don't mind watching the movie again.
anyone needs a companion?
provided that you pay for my ticket..hehe..

p.s. to dawn...erm... i think that you will love this movie.
but the after effect might be especially great for you.

bleah

i don't like those people.
Why are they so mean?
I hate family feuds.

I had this dream.
This peaceful little dream.
Its a happy harmonious dream.
How I wish it could come true.
impossible.

It will remain as a dream.
there is not even a glimmer of hope that this will come true.
it is a tiny little dream that will soon be extinguished by the cruelty of reality.

TGIF!

yeah! finally once again its friday!
it was a not bad day.
i am once again in my pyjamas looking t shirt.
and i am said to look sleepy in this shirt.

biology test was rather fine.
i did study.
i know that if i put in the effort to study for my revision exercises,
i will be able to attempt the questions.
yup.
i am gonna study hard for them.
it certainly brings a great lot of sense of satisfaction.

had lunch opposite school.
my prawn noodle was not opened.
=(
but kway teow was nice too=)

on our way back to school,
at the traffic light, we saw this ugly looking silver car.
it tried to bang us down!
and the person behind the wheel was wearing this beta house shirt.
looking smirk and laughing evilly.(is there such a word?)
and yes. that person resembles our dearest mr calvin tan.
and i decided to ponder over the decision a made earlier.
"are teachers good role models?"
hmm. to think i chose strongly agree, attributing it to mr calvin tan.
but now. i am not so sure.

and my econs buddy doesn't want to acknowledge me!
saw him at mac with his friends.
and when i waved goodbye to him,
he purposely looked down!
so rude right?
yes, you were so rude lo ZHOU QIXIANG!
i know you read my blog discreetly!
rude qixiang!
waved soooo reluctantly!
i am gonna tell j**w** huh!!
ok. i shan't bad mouth him already.
he is a mr nice guy overall.
especially nice to a special someone only.
and thank you for the green soursop treat!
didn't expect you to keep to your promise..
anyway, you have been a nice econs buddy!
you made my econs lessons much more interesting! =)

p.s. kesleen and i did not take pictures today.
it is a great achievement.

an yeah! i am gonna watch the jay chou's movie- secret tomorrow!
oh so exciting!
sneak preview! hehe =)

my tues

yes. i do hate hate but still i went to school.
and most importantly, i went for PE!

oh ya! I rebonded my hair.
and many people commented on my hair.
there were good comments and bad ones too.
thanks to all who thinks that it is nice.
but i don't really mind those bad comments la.
as long as i like it.
and someone else like it=)

and there is NOTHING WRONG WITH MY HAIR!!
the person who asked me what's wrong with my hair and called me ugly hair girl!
but okie, you are forgiven for coming up with a clever explanation to defense yourself.

this is what my hair looks like.

this picture is a little...

how about this one?

i think this is nice=)

yup. this is the cutest! =P

hehe.i don't have to act ok.
this picture is natural.

thanks to those that say i look younger with my new hairdo.
hehe..infant i don't look like your mummy anymore.
i look like this 16 year old infant.
but don't be sad kkz.
although the looks can't show that i'm your mummy.
actions will show it.
I'll continue showering you with lots of love.
just like how your always show your love by getting my remedy! (the H2O drink!)
Thanks infant!

this tues was fun!
it was a cam whoring day!
fun fun fun!
and once again. my cam whoring partner kesleen!

frowning.
kes cant frown, so she needs to cover her eyebrows.

cute one=)

kris.kes.me.

first attempt of mosaic.

our second attempt.
still failed.
cos of my itchy fingers.
i clicked twice!
and there are two infants.
and no mr brown!
sorry brown.

that's all for cam whoring.

next was PE.
as usual.
PE sucks.
i had that stupid stomache once again.
it was quite mild though.
thanks liyong.
and infant.
=)
recovered after a while.
and became energetic again.
energetic enough for one more shot!


after PE, we went to the pasa malam.
bought chocolate tu tu kuey.
the tu tu kuey was not very nice.
erm. but still i like he chocolate.

then i went to the library.
supposedly to study.
haha.
but i met zongyao.
my tknp junior.
we ended up talking.
we were talking quite a lot.
feels quite good.
didn't know that we have so much things that we can talk about.
hope that he can do well for his promos.
looking at the effort that he is putting in.
yes. he can do it de.
just feeling rather sad.
he went through so much.
he sorta motivated me to study.
indirect motivation.
=)
it was really nice talking to him.
ya. and i am sorry as i prevented him from copying his notes.
haha.
and i didn't do much.
yes. like what he said in his blog.
i don't think he knows that i read it though.
and he is still calling me mam joan.
erm. haven been addressed like that for long le.
not that i missed being addressed like that.
but i am fond of those memories.

i am ending off with.
yes i like my hair.

memories

once again.
it flooded back.
the memories of my grandma.

after reading my brother's blog.
i became emo once again.
everything came back to me.
the happiness that we shared.
to me, it was too short.

the sadness that i feel.
it was too deep.
too deep beneath many other things.
so deep that i never want to face them again.

i tried to bury them.
not to let them resurface.
but it comes back every now and then.

i know i can't avoid my feelings forever.
i need to be strong and face them.
but its so tough.

i am trying.
i am trying hard not to feel that much sorrow
whenever i mention her.
i am trying to speak of her as though i had gotten over it.
i am trying to.

but images come flowing back.
the time when she stayed with me.
the time when we had dinner together.
the time when we walked to the market together.
the time when we celebrated her birthday.
the time when we had popiah together.
the time when we had reunion dinner together.
the many many times that she showed her care and concern.
all those good times.
i miss them.

then came those images that i don't wish to remember.
the time when she lay at home.
the time when she lay in the hospital.
the time when she was transferred to the normal ward.
and i reached there too late.
i don't know how to describe how i feel.
i really don't know.
its so much more than just grieve alone.

i do not wish to continue.

sometimes i simply hate reading xiao meimei's or my brother's blog.
overflow of emotions.

Harry Potter.disappointment.

watched HP with dawn and niff.
dawn didn't had to pay a single cent.
crap. i was late. not late. but the latest.
so ya. i paid for the nachos.

anyway the movie was. erm.
confusing i would say.
people who haven read the storybook would be quite lost.
the flow of the movie is bad.
and the change of scene is a little too sudden at times.

for those who have read the storybook.
i think it would be much clearer.
but the bad thing is many would complain that it has not sufficiently portray the exact story.
it seems like a very summarised summary of the book.
which again supports the point that the movie is too confusing!

an advice would be to watch the movie then read the book.
then it would be less complains and more understanding. i hope.

however, commendable still.
all the characters have all grown so tall.
some no longer look like kids.

and some of them are really chio!

like hermonie became prettier.
and that loony girl is also damn pretty.
Cho Chang too. nice long black hair.
i have decided that i like black hair quite a lot.
but mine is just so not black.

nevertheless, this movie has not yet destroyed my impression of future harry potter movies.
yup. its understandable that its impossible to squeeze everything into a 2 and a half hour movie.

random thoughts

"rich pl can go bankrupt..
poor pl can become rich..
IF they have the motivation to upgrade themselves of course..
so..
i guess it doesnt really matter rite?"

saw this in xiao meimei's blog.
yup. somewhat i think it doesn't really matter.
i feel that my mom feels strongly about the last sentence.

chemistry is of paramount importance.
mutual chemistry.
with a common stand on things.

perspective should be talked out.
there is no point having two people who are together
yet their expectation of the relationship isn't parallel with each other.
ultimately, both parties will end up being hurt.

age isn't a problem also.
i guess many people of my age thinks that it is and will be a problem.
i know they are just being concerned.
nope. i don't blame them.
as long as i know what i am doing.

xiao meimei and i talked about many other things.
relationships to be specific.
first time we talked about relationships.
it made me stop and ponder along the way.

it will be 6months soon.
6months is long yet short.
being honest helps.
trusting one another too.

and to all those who kept on firing the question.
my answer is "no, i am not getting married soon."
=)

vienna dinner!

dinner at vienna with my relatives.
it feels so good.
one united family.
togetherness rocks.

celebrated the birthdays of july babies!
brought a cake from bakerzin!
can't remember the name of the cake.
haha.
but the taste is still clearly etched in my mind!
delicious man!

vienna is such a nice place.
not that the ambiance is very nice .
but no doubt the food is!
lamb chop!
i love the lamb chop so so much!
and the baked cheese scallop!
fantastic!

didn't take photos of food at all.
too busy talking and eating.
haha.

my conclusion is buffet is bad for health.
bad for the stomach.
it expands your stomach.
like a rubber band.
and there will be difficulty trying to get it back to the actual size.

might be going for some thai buffet soon again.
should not eat that much already.
or i should start exercising.

PICTURES!!


me with yvonne's big snoopy!

marcus and I.
he refuses to take pictures that day.
bad mood.

see.
bad mood.

cake cutting.
july babies.
excluding mabelle.

cheers!
my "gang".
together with the photographer who is er biao ge.
why is this photo so blur?
er biao ge only knows how to use pro cameras.
and not a simple 3.2MP camera.
haha.

mabelle and i.
she is always acting shy.
but she is nice to me whenever we are about to go home.
to bribe her: treat her to delicious food.
that's what my mom always does!

mabelle snatching for my camera!
she wants to take pictures.
take pictures as in she is the photographer.
clever girl!

picture taken by mabelle.

yvonne and i
attempted to take a picture with snoopy and roly bear.
but turned out like that.
bad photographer..tsk tsk tsk.

there are more random photos taken. but they are really random camwhoring which are not worth looking at.
might post them up someday.

100th day

it was such a mad rush in the morning.
took bus to xiao meimei's house and we were stuck in this heavy traffic jam!
really worried that we could not reach there on time.
luckily we arrived only 2minutes late.
phew. the traffic jam was really bad.

upon reaching the cemetery.
saw a group of white-shirt people.
people whom i dread looking at.
white, a colour of purity and virtue.
nope. its so not for them.

they stared all the way.
from us in the bus
to us alighting the bus

they must be feeling damn delighted.
that we are later then them.
whatever ok?!!
bleah!

throughout the ritual,
it was quite peaceful.
except that there are certain unnecessary things done on purpose.
what the hell la!

nevertheless, it was a lot more peaceful than i thought it would be.
glad that they didn't speak.
my ear hurts ever they spoke.
hopefully, we won't get to see them ever again.

finally, rest in peace ah ma.
i really miss you a lot.

=(

haiz..
feeling really down and low and like i am at my lowest point now.
i dunno what to say.
i want to study hard.
really study hard.
but its so difficult.

distractions?
not much i guess.
other than my phone games.
going out.
TV? nah...

it feels like shit.
everything sucks!
i hate it.
did i not put in enough?

those subjects which i expected to do better for turned out rather average.
or actually to be truthful
they are seriously below expectations.

i am satisfied with none of my results.
nothing.
nothing at all.

i know that i need to start studying right now.
straight away.
but there are too many excuses that i am finding.

are they excuses?
or am i really tired?

everyday after school i feel very lethargic.
had always wanted to study when i reach home.
but its not very effective.
most of the time, i would end up not absorbing whatever i am reading.

going to school and returning home all shack,
having no mood to study is bad.
this is a vicious cycle going round and round.
with me trying to get out of it.

i hate school!
especially tues!
what a useless day.
i am just wasting my time away in school.
every soon , i would pon tues.

i know many would think that this is unacceptable.
but still.
i will pon.
don't try and dissuade me from ponning.
you are not me.
you won't know what is good for me.

and to end this all.
i don't ever meant to disappoint anyone.
and i wont ever disappoint anyone again.

LIFE SUCKS!